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I’m getting a little afraid of my impending WI! It’ll be my first WI since giving away my scale… This is a big deal, I have absolutely no idea what to expect!! I’m trying not to freak out about it, there’s nothing I can do really except keep going…
Class last night wasn’t too bad. I was exhausted when I got home, though, and didn’t even think about exercising… As it turns out I didn’t even think about cooking dinner either. Went out to Applebee’s and did pretty well. I had 1/2 of the chicken quesadilla that’s on the WW menu (so 5pts), an order of Teriyaki shrimp skewers (5pts but I didn’t eat the rice, so more like 3), and a dessert shooter (I’m guessing 5, there is no info on this anywhere). That’s perfect because I had 15 pts left for the day so it worked out great.
I’ve been overly hungry today for some reason… It’s kind of annoying. Why should I be eating more today than yesterday? Not like I’ve gotten in any exercise. Hmmm. Tonight I’m making one of my favorite dishes, Spicy Beans n Greens. I love this dish. It’s so satsifying and (I’m a nerd) I think it’s fun. I make some low-fat cornbread to go with it and it’s perfect! Here’s my menu for today…
B: egg, english muffin (3)
S: packet of oatmeal (2)
L: leftover lasagna (8), spinach salad (1), pb cookie (2)
S: rye crackers and pb (3)
D: beans n greens (4), cornbread (3)
S: fudgecicle (1)
=27/28. Perfetto.
If I do get a workout tonight (here’s hoping I’m up to it) I might have a small snack afterwards, like an apple with a touch of pb or some yogurt or something. But that’ll be within my range due to APs earned.
I think I’ve eaten 23 of my flex points this week (!!). I can’t be sure because I don’t have my little tracker notebook here at work, but it’s about that. I had a big splurge on Saturday of this orange crumb cake I made, and then on Tuesday when I went to Panera I ate a bunch of bread that I hadn’t planned on. Every other day has been within 1 pt of my target. I’m hoping to keep today and tomorrow right at target as well since my WI is Saturday.
I’m just rambling right now. I really just don’t want to work on this project in front of me. Boo. I guess I ought to, it’s what I’m getting paid to do. Enough for now.
I can’t spend too much time away from work today as I’m in the middle of a pretty important report with a pretty tight deadline (tomorrow!), but I wanted to update on the situation from yesterday –
I went to talk to the DGS, who is pretty much the nicest woman ever. The thesis course definitely no longer counts towards my ability to graduate (as I expected), and she pulled some strings for me and got me in a class that is a) a PhD level and b) full (i.e., on both counts hard to get in). It’s being taught by pretty much the nicest man ever (yes, our department staffs both the nicest woman and the nicest man in the world), my ex-thesis advisor, now my orals supervisor. I had him for a class last year and absolutely loved it. This one’s called “Rhyme,” and we study poetry from 1500-1800 or so. The objective as he states it is to get us thinking about rhyme in different ways. Should prove interesting. Plus the prof is entirely versed (har, pun) in my situation with work and trying to graduate and all that, and he’s very understanding.
Sooo… I’m taking a class this term. It’s a little stressful. Mondays and Wednesdays now I get to work at 7:15 so I can leave at 4:15 and make it to my 5pm class. My oral exam is going to be scheduled for the final week in April (or the week before that), so I need to get on studying for that ASAP.
I just keep telling myself — it’s not so bad, I will be done with all of this come May, and by done I mean DONE with my entire degree. I can stick it out til May, right?
My concern is going to be eating on Mondays and Wednesdays. Today’s a trial run of how I can manage my hunger properly… I ate breakfast at 6:30, have a snack to eat about now (I’m getting hungry), then I figure I can eat lunch at 11:30 or 12, and hopefully that holds me over until around 4 at which point I eat a snack, and then dinner can be at 7. I’m prepared for this scenario. What I won’t be prepared for is if my lunch doesn’t hold me over long enough and I have to eat my snack early, which will leave me hungry in class, which will make me prone to grabbing fast food before/after.
Doesn’t help that one of my friends is in class with me and she’s the one who liked to take me to IHOP before I told her I was on WW. She doesn’t cook. When I told her about my favorite work pants she just said “Well maybe you should eat more.” :/ So at least for tonight I’ve offered to take her home with me after class and cook dinner for her — but I can’t do that twice a week from now til May. So I’ll have to figure something out (hm, perhaps just saying NO to fast food will help?)
The other thing is I have no idea what my energy level will be like in the evenings — which means my recent trend of exercising might be blown… I hope not. I was thinking of taking Mondays and Wednesdays off, and then instead of sleeping in the extra hour on T, Th, and F I could wake up at my M/W time and work out in the mornings. We’ll see.
I’m babbly for someone with so much work to do today… I better be off. Have a good Wednesday everybody!
Everything has been fine and dandy, and then yesterday hits and it all gets bizarre and stressy.
First, I never have deadlines at work. We’re strong believers in doing the best possible job even if it takes a couple extra days. Yesterday my supervisor decided that my project was due today… (I think I posted about this yesterday.) So one day’s notice. Grrreeat.
I work late, I take my computer home and work even later, I wake up at 5 and work, I get in an hour early and work work work, and I still don’t get it done till 11am. Fine. I still made the “Tuesday morning” deadline.
I go talk to Mr. supervisor, he has another project for me that sounds kind of interesting. It has a deadline next week — doable, I have about 5 days, I can manage the info request by then. Then I get called into Mr. president’s office and am handed another project. That has to be done by Thursday. Oooookay…. I’m thinking I can work that one in by Thursday, but the first one has to sit for a while. Now the feasibility of doing that one is doubtful.
Why all the deadlines all the sudden? Oh, right, Jaime’s going through other stressy crap, let’s pile more on.
Aside from work, I was filling out my application to graduate today so I can get my MA (finally). Then I realize — oh! I was counting on Thesis Research being one of my graded courses to meet my degree requirement. If I can’t count that anymore now that I’m no longer writing a thesis, I’m screwed. I’m one class short. It’s past the add/drop deadline. There’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.
Unless the Director of Graduate Studies (who I’m going to see in an hour) tells me she’ll let me count Thesis Research (because I did the damn research, I’m just not writing the paper), I’ll have to take another class in the Fall, or go ahead and write the thesis.
Thing is, I was banking on being done at school this term so I could move with my company up to D.C. DH’s applying to jobs up there. If he gets a job and I have to stay here for ONE STUPID class, I’ll be so mad. We’ve spent enough time apart. PLUS, I’ll have to pay far more tuition if I have to take another class… When I could have taken one last term for no extra cost.
I could go back to writing my thesis and extend a term, that way I can pay non-resident tuition, still move to DC, and that’d be ok… But I do not think I have it in me to write a thesis. Seriously, I’m so done with school I just want to leave, degree or not. I hate it.
I guess I’ll know the answer to my question about Thesis Research soon enough… and should try to forget it til then. But I can’t. I’m obsessing over it. My stomach’s in a knot and I want to go home and fall into bed. This is a big deal to me. It throws EVERYTHING out of whack.
I’m so bothered right now. At least my comfort food drive hasn’t kicked in yet… Let’s hope I get good news, because if I don’t I’m not sure I have the strength not to resort to emotional eating.
My favorite work pants are dying and I don’t have enough faith in myself as a seamstress to fix them properly. They’re just a very comfy, flattering pair of grey pants I got at Target last May that I wear once or twice a week, and I don’t know if I can keep wearing them now.
They’re falling off my rear when I walk.
*Yay!*
Honestly this morning I was SO happy I had a long coat on, with every step I took towards my office I was praying my pants wouldn’t just slip right off me… One hand full of coffee, the other holding my work bag, no where to stop and be discreet about yanking them up without flashing my buttcrack to the world… Luckily I made it in and was the first one to arrive, so I could take off my coat in privacy. Holy cow. It was interesting for a minute or two.
I’m going to try moving the button over just a bit and sewing a couple of tiny folds in the waistband to tighten it up a bit. The fabric’s pretty thin so it shouldn’t affect the visuals at this point, and I think if I’m careful I might be able to do it. Otherwise I only have one other pair of nice pants and one pair of nice jeans I can wear to work, as my 3 or 4 other nice pairs of work pants are still just a *tiny* bit too small. I’m in pants limbo. If it were summer I’d be set cos I have a ton of skirts (ok, 4) I could wear. Oh well. Maybe I’ll just have to get one pair of pants, that wouldn’t be too bad.
I guess this counts as an NSV, huh? :D
My muscles are pretty sore from my TurboSculpt yesterday. I think I’m getting addicted to this feeling. All I want to do right now is go home and exercise some more. Alas, I’m not sure if it will be possible, because I just found out the project I’m working on needs to be done ASAP… Soooo… Probably ought to stop posting in my blog for the time being…… :p
Happy Monday, everybody.
Yesterday at my WW meeting we talked about “The Twilight Zone.” No, not that creepy show where you’ll see men going crazy due to monsters on the wings of airplanes, but the rest of the day directly following your weekly WI. A lot of people see this as “plan-free” time, because they just weighed in and don’t have to do so again for another whole week. So they eat like they were trying to gain weight and don’t count a single bit of it. Then are disappointed with their lack of real results the next week.
I found this interesting because I have definitely been guilty of this kind of action and rationalization of otherwise irrational behavior. It really can sidetrack your efforts. I’ve made it a goal to pass the weekend without any overeating or poor choices, but to still feel like I’ve been able to eat special things since it’s the weekend and I have more time to cook. So far I’ve been very successful with it.
Yesterday for breakfast, I had an egg on an english muffin — like I usually do for breakfast — but today I added some fresh baby spinach and melted a stick of string cheese on top of the egg. You may think it’s silly, but it felt simply gourmet. It was amazing what adding a special touch did (and for only an extra point).
For lunch, I had a turkey, avocado, and spinach wrap (deeelish) with a bowl of homemade butternut squash soup. Talk about restaurant-quality.
Dinner was a spaghetti and chicken casserole thing that was a little high in points but still fit into my plan, and I had room for a little orange crumb cake I whipped up.
I did end up going over a bit (due to extra crumb cake….), but I accounted for all my points, checked off the Flex points I used, and am going make sure I stay OP today. I think instead of following the Wendie plan exactly I’m just going to have 1 or 2 days where I intentionally go into my flex points, and stay in the vicinity of my target the other days. I’m hoping it’ll feel more natural; last week I felt forced to overeat when I had low-point dinners planned.
Today I’m going to make a big pot of chicken and black bean soup, a pot of spinach florentine soup, and a lasagna in the crock pot. Oh, and I’m going to kick butt at a TurboJam workout that I haven’t successfully completed yet, and I’m thinking I’ll follow it with some yoga. Might as well get a long workout in while I have the time. And, if I’m really that awesome, I’ll put away the laundry and vacuum the living room. Maybe. I might not be that awesome.
On with the planning:
B: leftover orange crumb cake… (it’s gone! it’s gone!) (4)
L: turkey, spinach, avocado wrap (5), spinach florentine soup (2)
S: banana raspberry smoothie (3); apple and pb post-workout (3)
D: crockpot lasagna (6 or 7… have to go recalculate as I’m changing the recipe a bit), spinach salad (3)
S: fudgesicle (1)
=27/28. I always find a way to eat up that extra point… don’t worry ;)
So I’m pretty much going to turn green with all the spinach I’m eating lately, but I’m seriously in love with it right now. I can’t get enough of it. Perhaps I’m running low on iron? Or calcium? Aren’t those the two big nutrients in spinach, perhaps my body needs more? Or maybe I just love the stuff and shouldn’t complain!!
BTW, I should mention I was up only 0.8 yesterday at my WI, which means all of you wonderful people who were sending me positive vibes totally knocked off at least a pound. I expected to be +2 at the very least, and here I was with not even an extra pound! Ok, now let’s aim for a loss next week, and I’ll be set :) Thanks to EVERYBODY for your support, you know who you are and you’re fantastic people.
I realize that giving up is not the way to go. I guess giving up was never an option, even with how I’ve been feeling the past few days (culminating in today). I’m just frustrated. I’ve been given some very kind sentiments and some very helpful pieces of wisdom from some of the ladies on 3FC, and I’ve forced myself to turn on some upbeat music to help get myself out of that funk I was in this morning. And I’m generally feeling better.
Still frustrated, but better.
I mean, my body MUST be doing something good, if I’ve lost a few inches here and there and my pants fit differently and I can see my thighs coming back in a good way. So who cares if by my weight it looks like I tried for a week and gave up, letting it all pile back on? Really, who cares, when I know I’m making progress?
Everybody’s right. The choices I’m making now are better than the choices I was making before, and that’s not something you can measure with a scale. (Well, … unless you’re talking about a food scale… :p ) You can’t measure well-being. Or energy level. or self-confidence. It’s all these intangibles that are changing, just my weight that isn’t.
I guess the fact is I feel pressured to LOSE. I’m on Weight Watchers. I go get weighed every week, not measured. When people find out you’re changing your lifestyle, they ask, “how much have you lost?” or “what’s your goal weight?” Not, “how often are you choosing to eat fried chicken?” or “how many times per week are you exercising?” or “how long can you hold a side plank?” (erm, the answer to that one is about .5 milliseconds, btw). There is immense pressure to LOSE weight. To justify what others perceive as a pain in the ass (“dieting”) with empirical evidence.
So when I’m left only with qualitative statements and few quantitative measures, I feel like I’m failing. But I’m not! I swear, I’m not failing, I’m actually doing really well!
I’m doing really well, and I’m damn proud of myself. That’s the bottom line. If I tell myself that enough times, maybe I will actually start believing it. Screw the scale. It is not my friend. It is going away when I get home tonight. Far, far away. I’m breaking up with it, I’m tired of this relationship.
Phew. I feel better. I think I’ll take a walk during lunch.
:)
Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Maintaining is hard. Pick your hard.
I’m having a hard time picking my hard. I’m discouraged. I’m starting to feel like losing weight is just not something I’m meant to be able to do. Sigh.
I’ve ranted enough on the 3FC boards, so I won’t worry the blog with it. Just move on to regular stuff, like life, and food planning, though what good it does me I do not know.
Today:
B: egg, english muffin (3)
S: 1/2 c (cooked) oatmeal (2)
L: spinach salad w/walnuts (3), thai soup (5)
S: rye crackers and natural pb (3), clementines (1)
D: chicken and black beans (and onions, bell pepper, mushrooms) in high-fiber wrap (5)
S: fudgesicle (1)
That’s only 23 points out of 28 I’m supposed to be eating. But if eating more (a la Wendie Plan) isn’t working, perhaps I’ll just stop caring when I go way under. Whatever, right? Doesn’t work either way, might as well not stress about it.
It’s about 10:30am and I’m hungry. Usually I don’t start getting hungry til 11:30 or 12, and I tend to eat lunch at 12:30 so that works out ok. Not today, though. HUNGRY!
So I’m eating my snack that I had for the afternoon (rye crackers and peanut butter). Which means I no longer have anything to eat this afternoon, should I get hungry after lunch. Now, there’s a chance my lunch will sustain me through the afternoon, but I get really grumpy and tired in the evening if I skip my afternoon snack. (Curse of hypoglycemia.) I have 2 points unplanned for the day, plus I can assume I will earn 2 tonight via exercise. I like to use my APs post-workout, though, as I get hungry an hour or so after working out… So let’s see, what I can I find near my office for 2 points?
Unfortunately, not much beyond CVS fare and lattes. I could do a latte, but I prefer to *eat* my snacks, not drink them. Hmmm.
So, I wonder if I’m going to be hungry in the mornings more often, if I continue exercising regularly? Assuming my metabolism is speeding up (assuming), it would make sense that my body will process that morning egg and english muffin faster than it had been doing before. I guess I ought to start planning for a morning snack, just in case.
So two good metrics to report: I’m less a half pound since yesterday, and I measured again last night to find that my waist is the same (down 1.5) but my thighs have now gone down an inch each. Woo! I am still thinking about giving away my scale… the fact that I couldn’t stay off it this morning wasn’t a good thing, even though it gave me good news. (Need I point out my -0.5 still leaves me +1.2 from a week and a half ago….)
Plan for today:
B: egg and english muffin
S: rye crackers and natural pb
L: leftover red beans and rice, broccoli, spinach salad
S: …? latte?
D: pasta with vegetables and lean ground beef, topped with fresh parm
S: (post-work out) apple w/pb
Today is a “low” day of 28 points, and they are all accounted for, plus 2 in the evening snack that I get if I work out (those are APs). Planned exercise is going to be either TurboJam or WATP.
So tonight I went to a friend’s house and worked out on her treadmill for a while. I’ve never been on a treadmill before, actually, so it was a wholly new experience. I have to say, it was pretty awesome! I want a treadmill now, but we have no space and can’t justify the money for one anyway. I did a half hour on one of its preprogrammed weight loss things. I think I could do the next hardest one next time… The easiest one was a little too easy. I see the draw in having a treadmill, though… Just pop in a movie and start working out, you never notice the time pass.
When I got off the treadmill I felt like I was still moving forward… Anyone get that weird imbalance after you step off? I had to walk very slowly for a second before I got my bearings back. I have pretty poor balance, maybe that has something to do with it. All I know is I better not try to run off the treadmill and go up a flight of stairs or something, I might come tumbling to the ground!!
This makes for three days of exercise in a row. Woot!! :D
A commenter on my previous entry on kundalini yoga has fueled me to explore the topic a little further. I hadn’t heard of the “dangers” of awakening the kundalini before… It’s actually pretty interesting. Your kundalini, of course, is the energy of your true self, and it’s accessed by control of the breathing and the mind, meditation, and unlocking the energy of the 7 chakras (there’s an 8th, too… the aura… though I forget how that plays into all this). My only experience with kundalini yoga had been my first foray into its practice via a DVD for beginners, and I posted below about how interesting it was, and how powerful it felt.
Here’s what I’ve been able to find about the “dangers” of unlocking the kundalini:
First and foremost there is the danger of sexual stimulation so that the individual becomes drained of his vitality through sex-obsession. Mental unhingement lies along this line. Sexual vitality and activity are very closely allied to Kundalini, for both are supremely creative in their nature, and the development of the one is bound to stir the development of the other. All sexual urge must be under complete control, at the will of the individual, and must be in a condition of what may be called sublimation, that is to say it must be recognized as a sacrament and therefore to be used in reverence and in a spirit of dedication.
So, one danger is sex-obsession due to the energies released by kundalini, and the person’s desire to develop that energy. (If I’m reading that right.)
Second, there is the danger of upsetting the physical rhythmic equilibrium through the uncontrolled stimulation of the various centres of the body—the possibility of injury to the heart, to the nervous system through the solar plexus, the individual becoming a chronic invalid with general physical deterioration of the brain, producing a strain also ending in mental unhingement. These dangers are avoidable provided the individual is in very sound health, has already gained an ample measure of self-control, thinks quietly and clearly, never narrowly, and is free from any servility to sexual impulses, has in fact little if any sexual tendency at all.
Boundless energy focused improperly can put a strain on various organs and lead to brain, heart, and organ failure. You must be in control of yourself to avoid these dangers.
When the physical, emotional and mental bodies are beginning to become resolved into their higher counterparts, as in the case of those who are concluding human existence so far as imprisonment in it is concerned, then Kundalini flows naturally and without encountering more than a minimum of obstruction. There is beginning to be but one Fire, one Life. It is at stages earlier than this that extreme circumspection is vital, for the Serpent-Fire does not discriminate. It consumes. It tends to flow along the lines of least resistance, and sometimes such lines may lead downwards and not upwards, with indescribably disastrous effect.
So if you’re looking to consolidate your inner and outer beings, this can cause you trouble. Serpent-fire can consume you.
The whole of the physical body, becoming a wonderfully sensitive instrument, becoming refined out of all relation to its surroundings, can easily, therefore, be shaken to pieces as a result of the impact of coarse and violent vibrations from without. Sturdy physical health is thus a sine qua non for the arousing of Kundalini, and the health of an adult rather than that of a youth.
Sounds like every day life to me. The pressure and noise and speed and activity of the modern world presses down on us, makes us feel anxious and panicky and, in extreme cases, causes major shut-down. The helpful addendum of “good health is a must” is sort of obvious, this would be the case in any situation.
There’s more here. It’s an article on religion/philosophy, as opposed to the practice of yoga. I think you have to go far deeper than my introductory beginner’s DVD in order to even think about experiencing any of these spiritual “dangers.” What’s more, you probably have to subscribe to some system of beliefs in which all of this is possible in order to fall victim to its dangers.
I don’t necessarily believe in all the spiritual aspects of the practice of yoga. I believe in a mind-body connection, I believe that the motions of yoga are strengthening and fortifying in ways that typical cardio and strength routines are not. But all this about serpent-fire… energy that can be harmful to your organs and cause mental breakdowns… I don’t know. I don’t buy it. I’m still too much a product of the Catholic church (oh so long ago) to subscribe to all that.
Here is another site about the dangers of kundalini, this time with a focus on the yoga. Note, however, that the author also promotes the “healing power of Jesus Christ”, and his/her opinions may therefore be biased… quite obviously.
And here is a rather level-headed account of the possible dangers of awakening the kundalini.
I’m no expert… But I’m pretty sure the 20 minutes I spend on my living room floor moving my arms above my head and breathing in and out with purpose isn’t going to drive me insane. And that’s about all I have to say about that :)
