I had heard good things about the recipe for Snobby Joes from Veganomicon (thankfully copied into the archives of Post Punk Kitchen as I do not yet know the joy of owning Veganomicon). I decided to give it a try this evening, since I otherwise had no idea what to cook.

First mistake: Assuming I had lentils.

Second mistake: Assuming I had tomato paste.

Third mistake: Assuming I had tomato sauce.

Fourth mistake: Assuming I had a bell pepper.

Yes, indeed - the four main ingredients in the snobby joes were entirely absent from my cupboard. I toyed with using red lentils instead of green, but had visions of turning out a tomato-flavored mush instead of a lentil delight. So I opted for the near-forgotten green split peas lurking in the back of my cupboard. Funnily enough, I remember buying them accidentally, thinking they were lentils - and being disappointed when I returned home to find that they were actually peas. A quick google told me that I should be okay with this substitution - the flavor is a bit different, but the consistency would be much the same. So forward I forged.

It wasn’t until I was about done cooking the peas that I realized I was seriously lacking in the tomato department. I tend to keep a pretty stocked cupboard when it comes to tomato products as they are so useful and versatile, but I must have forgotten to restock. Crap. Well, I did have some canned diced tomatoes… and some canned diced tomatoes with jalapeno peppers… I think I can work with this…

So what to do for a side? Well, I have half a head of cabbage left after the delicious bean-stuffed cabbage rolls I made last week, I should use that. Okay, what do I do with cabbage? I have done precious little with cabbage in the past, so I called out for help via Plurk and got some good guidance from Heather on what to do. I took her mother’s recipe, modified it according to what I had on hand (and with an eye towards healthfulness), and turned out a pretty great dish.

Enough with the narrative, here are the recipes:

Snobby Joes (modified, original is in link above)

1c green split peas, uncooked

2 c water

1 yellow onion, finely diced

2 cloves garlic, minced

1/2 c tomato sauce

1/4 c barbecue sauce

1 can diced tomatoes with jalapenos, drained and pressed of excess liquid

3 tablespoons chili powder

bread or buns to suit (the above photo is Leo’s plate, I had mine open-faced on Ezekiel bread)

1. Boil water; add split peas and cook for 30 minutes on low.

2. When peas have 10 minutes left to cook, in a pot sautee onions and garlic in non-stick spray (or you can use EVOO, I had enough oil coming in via the cabbage salad that I opted for no oil here) for about 7 minutes.

3. Drain peas and add to pot with onions. Add remaining ingredients, stir, heat through. Serve on a bun. Nom.

This turned out to be fantastic. My husband was impressed, so much so that I had to hide the leftovers before he could eat us out of lunch tomorrow. This easily makes 6 servings, or four if you have a big appetite/are hungry enough. This version of the Snobby Joes was absolutely delicious, and I will be hard pressed to return to the original… There really is no need.

By-the-seat-of-my-pants Cabbage Salad

1/2 head of cabbage, shredded

1 apple, peeled and diced

1 oz almonds, coarsely chopped; or else 1 oz slivered almonds

1 tbsp sesame seeds

1/2 onion, diced small

Dressing:

1 tbsp olive oil

1 tsp sesame oil

1 tbsp soy sauce

1 tbsp sugar (I used splenda)

3 tbsp red wine vinegar, others may work well too

Mix everything together. Refrigerate until ready to serve. This may not stand up well over night, so it’s best to eat it all the day of (the cabbage may wilt in the dressing). The above probably made 4 normal-sized portions, but that husband of mine, well, since I wouldn’t let him snarf all of the snobby joes, he snarfed the remaining salad instead.

This turned out surprisingly well. I was a little wary - raw cabbage is a hard sell for me, due to traumatic coleslaw-related incidents during childhood. Plus I tasted the dressing before I dumped it in and I was not too impressed. But this is the magic of cooking - the part that I love: put everything together and voila! Super fantastic food! The tart/bitter cabbage flavor balanced out perfectly with the sweet occasional apple, and the almonds added a great crunch and that something earthy that really tied it together. I think the only thing I would change is to omit the sesame seeds, except for maybe as a garnish - they didn’t add considerably to the flavor, perhaps because they were overpowered by the sesame oil (which is a must).

All in all, an incredibly successful experiment - would definitely make this again!