Ten Days

So without really realizing it, I’ve been perfectly OP for 10 days now (working on 11 today). That’s a pretty nice achievement. The challenge will be making it to 20 – I know my patterns, and I know that after 2 good weeks I tend to let myself go nuts for one day, which spirals into two and three and four. I am confident I can make it through this week without issue, it’s this coming weekend that I have to worry a little about. Especially since I don’t have anything planned activity-wise and am feeling a little stir-crazy in my apartment lately. I can do it, I’m stronger than my stupid emotional eating impulse. But generally I’m feeling good. Hopefully it lasts.

This weekend I’ll be finishing up my painting for the bedroom… going to a board game meetup… Going for a run… Hopefully seeing this guy… ;) We’ll see how it shapes up. I just wish I had something concrete to look forward to, like a night out with people. Such is the problem with having all of your friends hundreds of miles away…

Sweet and Sour Shrimp

I’ll continue on with the recipes tonight… I am eating this right now, it is wonderful!

Ingredients:

• 8oz can pineapple chunks in juice
• 1 tsp cornstarch
• 3 tbsp chili sauce
• 1/2 tsp powdered garlic
• 2 tsp sesame oil
• medium onion, sliced
• green bell pepper, large dice/chunks
• 3/4 lb medium shrimp, raw (not frozen)

Drain pineapple into a bowl (reserving juice). Set pineapple aside. To juice, add cornstarch, chili sauce, and garlic (I opted to add fresh garlic into the pan with onion and pepper). In a pan, heat oil, add bell pepper and onion. Stir-fry for 3 minutes or until starting to cook. Add shrimp, cook until no longer pink. Add pineapple and sauce, cook until sauce is thick and bubbly. Serve over hot rice of choice.

This recipe makes 4 servings at 4 points each. With 1/2 c rice it makes 6 points’ worth of food. Tastes far better than any restaurant sweet and sour shrimp I’ve ever had, as it’s not cloyingly sticky and sweet – it’s perfect! Will make again and again!

Moroccan Chicken and Lentils

Thought I’d share a recipe while it’s on my mind. I love this meal – a handful of ingredients, easy prep in a slow cooker, and leftovers taste fantastic. It makes 6 servings at 6 points each.

Moroccan Chicken and Lentils

• 8oz baby carrots
• 1 1/2 c uncooked lentils, rinsed
• 1 1/2 lb frozen chicken (you choose the cut, I use whatever boneless/skinless item I can get on sale, usually tenders)
• 2 tbsp minced garlic
• 3/4 tsp salt
• 3/4 tsp ground turmeric
• 1/2 tsp ground red pepper
• 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
• 3.5 c fat free, low-sodium chicken broth

Place in slow cooker in order listed. Cover and cook on high 5 hours, or high 1 hour and low 7 hours (whatever fits your schedule). It is delicious. :)

Measuring Up

I’m feeling somewhat better today. I am generally doing okay, but occasionally get stuck in these endless loops. I am starting to allow myself to feel angry over what’s happened recently, instead of feeling passive and noncommittal about it. The anger is good. Strong emotions are not the enemy.

Had a productive evening yesterday – cleaned out half the mess in the truck so I’d have room to put groceries. Went grocery shopping (enjoyed the lower grocery bill due to having 1 less mouth to feed). Bought healthy food. The only thing I bought that may be looked upon as “unhealthy” is my obligatory bar of 85% dark chocolate, but one of those things lasts me weeks. Besides, it’s got antioxidants and will go great with that bottle of red wine I have sitting around.

My renewed commitment to tracking, weighing, and measuring is going well. It’s actually kind of empowering to stand there in front of the food scale and see exactly how much of everything you’re about to consume. 40g of oatmeal, 6g of non-dairy creamer, 8g dried cranberries, 15g chopped walnuts. Also, this is way easier than dirtying up a bunch of measuring cups and spoons in the morning. I just put the bowl on the scale, zero it out, and add food. I also did this with peanut butter today – usually I don’t measure peanut butter because it’s impossible to get back out of the measuring spoon, so this morning I put a wasa cracker on the scale, zeroed it, and measured out 16g of peanut butter (1 tbsp). Awesome.

On the other hand, now that I think about it, thinking in terms of grams makes me feel like I’m not eating a whole lot, because grams are such small increments of measure. Oh well. That’s where the counting points comes in…

All’s Quiet

I don’t have a lot to say. I mean, what can I say that is in any way different from everything that has come before? I’m still here.

I’ve been asking a lot of questions of myself. Sometimes I think I’ve been asking too many questions. I keep a paper journal at home, and page after page is filled with why? how? what? why? why? I’m mad at myself for not having answers. When I was a kid, my mom would refer to me in holiday update letters distributed to family as the “happy go lucky” kid. Year after year, that’s what I remember being described as. Just floating around like a leaf in the breeze, letting external forces dictate my course, barely influencing my own fate with small variances in my surface. And I feel that’s been pretty accurate. Another, more grown-up way of calling it is blind optimism and too-easy acceptance. I’ve lived my life up to now just going along with the course of events, figuring out my place but never seeking to change what was happening. And now I am fighting this tendency, and I’m losing something.

I chose change. I chose to drastically alter the course of my life. I took two steps forward instead of standing still. But what I left behind is still clinging to me, hanging on to my ankles, weighing me down and making it hard to continue to progress. My life has largely been dictated by what came before – if I could make what comes after look like what came before, that’s the path I’d choose. I don’t actually know how to do what I’m doing. Where’s my guidebook? Please tell me there is a map somewhere I can purchase. I ask questions of myself and have no answers, because I’ve never done this before.

I’m writing this with one thing in particular in mind, yet I re-read it and see it as it applies to so much of my life nowadays. How did I end up being an agent of change in my own life? This never used to happen. Needless to say I’m having a little trouble coping.