I’m feeling somewhat better today. I am generally doing okay, but occasionally get stuck in these endless loops. I am starting to allow myself to feel angry over what’s happened recently, instead of feeling passive and noncommittal about it. The anger is good. Strong emotions are not the enemy.

Had a productive evening yesterday – cleaned out half the mess in the truck so I’d have room to put groceries. Went grocery shopping (enjoyed the lower grocery bill due to having 1 less mouth to feed). Bought healthy food. The only thing I bought that may be looked upon as “unhealthy” is my obligatory bar of 85% dark chocolate, but one of those things lasts me weeks. Besides, it’s got antioxidants and will go great with that bottle of red wine I have sitting around.

My renewed commitment to tracking, weighing, and measuring is going well. It’s actually kind of empowering to stand there in front of the food scale and see exactly how much of everything you’re about to consume. 40g of oatmeal, 6g of non-dairy creamer, 8g dried cranberries, 15g chopped walnuts. Also, this is way easier than dirtying up a bunch of measuring cups and spoons in the morning. I just put the bowl on the scale, zero it out, and add food. I also did this with peanut butter today – usually I don’t measure peanut butter because it’s impossible to get back out of the measuring spoon, so this morning I put a wasa cracker on the scale, zeroed it, and measured out 16g of peanut butter (1 tbsp). Awesome.

On the other hand, now that I think about it, thinking in terms of grams makes me feel like I’m not eating a whole lot, because grams are such small increments of measure. Oh well. That’s where the counting points comes in…